Resolutions, resolutions. It is the time of the year where we as a nation have decided to “go out with the old and in with the new”. In fact, research shows that 80% of us will BREAK our new years resolutions by Valentines Day! So this blog comes right in time to help us KEEP those resolutions. Especially the BIG one about losing weight. I warn you, this may be a bit long, so settle in and leave your comments!
1. Shoulda’ don’t work
Many times when a resolution is made it is tied to what we “should” be doing. But “should” is not good enough; “shoulda” don’t work. When we resolve to do what we SHOULD do, instead of what we have “committed” to do, it never pans out. “Should” is not a strong enough word for the mouth and the mind: Commitment is…
2. Coming from a place of guilt
Usually resolutions come from what we have trouble with. What we have trouble with makes us feel bad, if our trouble makes us feel bad and we keep doing it anyway, then we feel guilt. Guilt is not a good place to come from when making a commitment to change life. Guilt can be an indicator that we take a closer look at what is going on in a situation, but certainly not a reason to resolve to change. This is because the feeling of guilt, just like the problem that causes it goes away. When the feeling goes away, so does the resolution and change. Instead of guilt at what is NOT happening, a better solution(or goal) is to have confidence in the new carefully planned success over our trouble.
3. Resolute means purpose, but purpose is not always in resolutions
What does it all mean? A resolution that is made without the full realization of the purpose or the true “meaning” behind the commitment to change, results in little to no change at all. Finish this sentence: The purpose for me ______ is so that I can __________.What if we don’t clearly know the answer? Then we will not have the solution(or resolution) we seek.
4. Planning for “triggers” is not done
A trigger is the mechanism within ourselves that seek to keep us as at “status quo”. Our bodies, our minds, our habits have all been developed over time. Some of our habits that we would like to resolve are comfortable to us and there are reasons that we have resolved to change and have not. It is because we have not planned for those “triggers”, those things that happen to us(or we do to ourselves) that seek to bring us back to habits that we have. Many times within a resolution, there is NO PLAN to handle “triggers”. When we really reflect on the bad habit that we would like to “resolve” then we really need to reflect on the “causes” of that habit and how to handle these “causes” when they arise again to bring us back to that habit. Trust me, for every bad habit, there are a set of “triggers” that must be planned to be handled before actual change is seen.
5. Preparing for heart success
We only think that we have to “love” with our heart. Whenever I hear those resolutions resounded in the office hallway or at the New Years parties, it seems a bit hollow. Effective resolutions cannot be thought up at a “whim”, and accepted as a “right” answer to the mind. Rather an acceptable resolution must be committed to with the heart and the heart will then inform the mind, how to plan for success.
6. All in one and one for all-THE WRONG attitude
a. This one is a biggie. Resolutions don’t work because of one word, “gradation”. Many times ones attempt to change has some form of positive, gradual change, but because it does not meet the absolute standard of what was initially stated, then it is considered a failure. But the problem with this thinking never takes into account, mistakes, reroutes and variation, which all may lead to a slower advance toward the goal. A slower advance is still an advance and in a small sense a victory. The “I have to do exactly what I said” is a great resolution to say as long as it takes into account the “little” victories it takes to get to the ultimate goal.
7. Taking into account, those that take you into account
No person lives in a vacuum. Many resolutions don’t ask for help, but they need it. One of my biggest resolutions(or what I call yearly goals) WAS NOT ACCOMPLISHED, until I found people on my “team”. These people became my cheerleaders and held me accountable to what I said. Any resolution that requires little to no accountability is destined to “bite the dust”.
8. Making the way clear, instead of fizz fuzz
The statement of a resolution only declares the intent, which is not, sorry to say, GOOD ENOUGH to make it happen. What is needed to “stick” is complete and utter detail as to the result of the new set of actions which will in turn cause clarity and focus. Resolutions without a clear thought out, even “visualized” result, are surely a dream deferred.
9. Resolving is the first part, discipline is the next
We know this one. This is, how shall we say, where the “rubber” meets the road. This is why the fitness industry plans for a 40% increase in January because by February all those badly made fitness resolutions fall short and so do the fitness paychecks. This is why those who want quick weight loss are very surely going to go under, because quick weight loss is about rapidity and NOT discipline. Resolutions made without taking to account the discipline of “doing it when you do not feel like it”, or “doing it until you see results” usually fall to the threshing floor waiting to be revived only for those times of “guilt”(see #2)
10. If you do what you always did, then you will get where you always got: Doing it without a mentor.
Resolutions of any habit that has been an issue for any period of time need help. Yes, I am suggesting a “coach”, “counselor” or “mentor”. A resolution that does not take into account that they may have to “pay” to get out of something that seemed “free” to get into does not consider the “triggers” that a more experienced mentor can assist a person with. To assume that “I can do it all on my own” without help, is a form of pride. Pride never works, instead I know it to “come before a fall”, which takes us back to why we need #7 as well. Resolutions that don’t allow for someone to assist us to get out of our rut because of their experiences, only helps us to be further disillusioned that we can do it all by ourselves. Pfui!!!
In order for resolutions to work, they must NOT be RESOLUTIONS in the first place. They must be thought out, even “prayed about” commitments that are made with full intent to accomplish. These commitments must be made with the discipline of accountability and the guidance of a mentor. When these commitments(or goals) are structured in this way, then the clarity of success is surely to follow.
-Just my advice for the day..